We’ve tried to find a way of making toilets fit before. in cost-benefit terms, the savings of finding something that fits exactly would more than make up for the drive.
As it turned out, with our diversions on the way, getting to the shop was a bonus, which was just as well because after careful measurement and dissection of the seven different varieties on offer (just fifty fewer than Heinz offer) every one of them was exactly wrong.
It’s a big store, and a huge mail order business, with lots of specialists to help so we enlisted the expertise of an affable young man whose usefulness was sadly akin to that of a chocolate teapot. He was able to demonstrate the latest in silent electric technology, a macerating device that let out a groan of displeasure not unlike that one would expect of a human being pressed into similar service. The thought of the expressions on suddenly wide awake and terrified guests after a midnight flush was certainly enough to convince us that an electric conversion, no matter how convenient, is no longer part of this discussion.
We thanked him, and set about remeasuring everything in the vain hope that something had changed during our discussion.
Perhaps more toilet confused than before, we were able to pick up a satisfying collection of other “need-to-measure” parts, and made a list to arrange for delivery of others before once more heading towards the southern horizon.
New fangled silent technology may not be so brilliant in mechanical toilets but it really comes into its own on Autobahns, with adaptive cruise control providing just the right number of additional eyes while one pair scans the rear view mirror for Porsches and white vans approaching at two hundred and fifty kilometres per hour. Almost five hours later, we had returned the car, mission nowhere near accomplished, tired but happy, still basking in the joy of the past few days.
Well one of us was tired but happy, the other, having slept very soundly till at least lunch time, was just happy!
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