Legends from our own lunchtimes

Wednesday, April 01, 2020

The Pest Man.
Wednesday 1st April - Australia - 4868 cases - 191 per million population

Anyone who lives in our part of the world and says they don't have the occasional giant cockroach fly in, is either delusional or fibbing.  After an American friend of ours had lived here for some time he reckoned they should be officially designated as our state bird.

As a rule we prefer to use organic means of control, usually by belting them with a rubber flip flop, although this chap met his end more organically than most, by having a kilo of coffee beans dropped on him from a great height.  Clearly intent on ignoring social distancing regulations, he crept out from his warm hiding spot under the fridge at exactly the time I was removing the bag of coffee from the freezer.  "Bombs Away" I called, but he either failed to hear the warning or with that arrogance that cockroaches seem to have, truly believed that I'd miss.

Ironically perhaps, this occurred about twenty minutes before "the Pest Man" came for his annual inspection and a spray with something somewhat less organic than a bag of coffee beans, but no less deadly to unwelcome insects.  

His visit turned out to be a bit less than comfortable for us all given the extent to which we have been separating ourselves from the outside world, but he noted our nervousness and kindly made a great show of assuring us that we were safe, donning fresh nitrile gloves, glasses and a clean respirator before setting about his task, ensuring that we opened doors as required to minimise him touching interior surfaces.  Even his invoice will be sent electronically for online payment to avoid any risk of virus transmission.  

After his departure we took great care to sanitise all surfaces his gloved hands had touched of course, we remained curious as to whether pest control was actually an "essential service" but never the less were congratulating ourselves on finding a bloke who was so sympathetic to the constraints we imposed when the penny dropped: 

When was the last time we'd seen a Pest Man spraying deadly poison without wearing protective respirator gloves and glasses?

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